When You Are Feeling Ugly

by Tamika Eason on June 6, 2012

He asks me everyday if anyone said I was beautiful. He asks again tonight.

It’s a Saturday evening and we are home from the banquet. My sequins silver dress is back hanging in the closet. And my back is to him, so he can’t see the swell of emotion in my eyes. I shrug, think of a few faces that offered sweet words. Still I didn’t believe a single one.

After almost three and a half decades, I still wear ugly under all my pretty clothes.

His arms circle my waist, and his breath moves down my neck. “Even your back is beautiful.” I feel his face break into a smile. And relief fills my lungs with fresh air. Because beauty is seen best from behind.

It’s the hind parts of God that filled the place with glory, and all of our places too.

And looking back is how the heart remembers what is really beautiful–God passing by in all of our ugly moments.

It’s not the faces, or painted eyelashes; not the foundation and dusted cheeks. It’s not the sparkling, highlighted tresses hanging off the shoulders or the perfectly penciled eyebrows. It’s not the face at all that fills a place with splendor.

It’s when His glory covers the grime; when grace is the garment we wear. It’s when He asks, “why are you hiding?” And we realize how naked and ashamed our sin makes us appear without Him.

Don’t misunderstand me: I don’t entirely avoid mirrors. I just don’t depend on them. Because they don’t see deep enough. And sweet words from strangers don’t make beautiful garments like His Word covering me.

If only I could hide in that cleft of rock long enough to keep gaze on His glory–get right what beauty is.  Because, the  feeling of ugly is always a condition of not understanding that Beauty lives within.

And hearing this old Stevie Wonder song. And my God singing over me:

Isn’t she lovely;

Isn’t she wonderful;

Isn’t she precious…

But, isn’t she lovely made from Love!

 Yes, made from love…and each of us are made beautiful in His sight.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

terri tiffany June 6, 2012 at 3:29 pm

This post was lovely! Wonderful!

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Tamika June 7, 2012 at 7:55 am

Love you Terri! That feels so good to say because sister we are so greatly loved by God–you just have to share it!

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R.C. June 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Awesome Tamika , only then is the true beauty of God’s glory revealed, from behind.If it were possible we could get Moses to witness to this fact after seeing God’s hinder parts. This beauty fades not with time, but is renewed day by day.Only then when we hear the words,” You’re absolutely gorgeous” are they without a doubt believable, because the beauty of holiness is what
they are seeing.It’s this kind of beauty that the gospel duo Mary Mary describes as ” It’s The God In Me” beauty. It’s that glorious beauty that sincerely matters.

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Lael September 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I agree that beauty can be best from behind, but your beauty is best face to face. And I look forward to seeing God face to face.
-Lael

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